SOCIAL MEDIA SUPERSTAR JOSH OSTROVSKY AKA THE FAT JEW IS READY FOR HIS CLOSE-UP.
The Fat Jew (spawned name: Josh Ostrovsky) is a social media maven and sexual object. This summer he is launching a rosé that he has dubbed White Girl, publishing a book Money, Pizza, Respect and dipping his bulbous toe into the modeling world. We were fortunate enough to be able to work with the new face and body of male modeling for his biggest shoot yet. For The Fat Jew’s coming-out spread we recast the Rubenesque man-baby in iconic photos such as Kim Kardashian from last year’s Paper magazine, Vanity Fair’s pregnant Demi Moore cover, Burt Reynolds naked on a bearskin rug for Cosmopolitan, Janet Jackson’s hand-bra for Rolling Stone and also from the venerable music magazine he plays both John and Yoko. The following interview was conducted while he was on the toilet à la Jenny McCarthy from those ‘90s Candie’s ads.
How would you describe yourself?
Imagine if George Washington, Steven Seagal, Matthew Perry in a post-Friends prescription pill spiral, and all the members of Cypress Hill gangbanged Bette Midler at a warehouse rave and put a baby inside her…that baby would be Josh Ostrovsky aka The Fat Jew. I am known by many names: Jewther Vandross, Jewlio Iglesias, Jewy Vuitton, Jewsan Sarandon, The King of Brunch, Fatrick Jewing, Jew Diamond Phillips.
When you look in the mirror what do you see?
A Botticelli. Literally, I’m a modern-day Botticelli woman in a painting. I got that thick 15th century ass, Dog.
How has your male modeling experience been thus far?
Breaking into the modeling world is not easy because obviously I don’t have a 60-pack and deep, V-shaped dick lines, so it is hard for me to get into that scene.
How do you feel about the label “plus-sized model?”
I am not really down with being called a plus-sized model. I think they should rename the genre. It should be called, like “sturdy men” or, like, “thick fellas.” Plus-sized makes us sound kind of soft and supple and I am proud to have a big, fat shitty body.
What is your ultimate goal in the male modeling world?
To let people know that the current-day body standards glorified by the mass media can be harmful, especially to young people, and that their bodies are phenomenal no matter how they are shaped. Also, to get rich enough to buy an ostrich or to throw a $20,000 red leather couch in the ocean for absolutely no reason except that senselessly hurting the environment is very baller.
How are you inspired by this shoot?
I am not only inspired by pregnant Demi Moore, I am pretty sure that we look exactly the same. Previously I have been described as having a body like Shrek and Rosie O’Donnell. The Shrek/Rosie O’Donnell body type is going to become massively popular in 2015.
Are there other models who you have been inspired by?
I really connected with…I forgot her name, but she always looked like she was sleeping…she was a Victoria’s Secret model and I masturbated to her so many times. Frankie something? Or Frünke? Or maybe it was my dad’s friend Frank? He is a union guy—he’s like my uncle but he’s not my actual uncle, ya know? Oh, and definitely Anna Nicole Smith. I would definitely want to marry a 95-year-old walking corpse who has billions of dollars and then develop a serious pill addiction, continuously vomit all over myself and then die an icon. That is pretty much the plan; I am the new Anna Nicole Smith.
Are you the new face of modeling then?
Everybody likes to ask, “Who is the new face of male modeling?” But I may not be the new face because this [points at visage] is like, whatever, acceptable, but I am the new body of male modeling and that new body is Lena Dunham, because me and Lena Dunham have the same body. If you groped us both in a dark room and had 10 guesses whose body was which you would have a 50 percent chance of being right. I am the new body of male modeling which is a tall and fat—but taut—adult baby. I am very taut, like a very young Gandolfini—a giant plump infant.
The old industry saw is, “Never work with children or animals.” Do you agree?
The greatest photoshoot I can imagine is me wearing a beautiful half-black baby with a miniature afro and green eyes in a Baby Björn with a majestic falcon perched on my arm. And I’m holding an axe. An axe that’s on fire. That “no baby/no animal” rule is dumb.
What else do you get into on set?
At these shoots there is always a ton of food and none of the other models eat anything. There will be a German dude who has a V-neck that goes down to his navel and he will eat one poppy seed and be full. So I can just, like, hoard food. On the actual modeling shoots I am getting fatter.
Many models have a diet of cocaine and cigarettes, what is yours?
It’s all about ecstasy and carbs (and coke).
How about the phrase, “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels?”
Everybody loves that, but that is not true. Have you every drank gravy? I mean, sipped it? Not chugging it like Steve-O, I mean sitting by a fire with a nice snifter of it. Gravy tastes better than skinny could ever fucking possibly feel.
So what of the skinny body image in our culture?
If you are skinny in America you are basically a fucking super hero. If we were in Belgium, or…where is everybody hot? We are not in Stockholm. We are not in Oslo— where everybody is gorgeous, looks like they are from the future and they recycle— this is fucking America, we are big, fat, giant consumption loud-mouth monsters. It is ridiculous to think that any of us are fit. There are maybe 3,000 fit people in LA and 1,500 in New York and that’s pretty much it. Everybody soon will be in a Rascal Scooter so I am the right model for our culture. I am going to need the thing that goes up and down the railing of the stairs. This is what George Washington wanted; this is what this country is founded on. I should be on Mount Rushmore. That should be my next modeling gig: Mount Rushmore.
In case you can’t book that, do you have a back-up modeling aspiration?
I would like to be in Serbian Vogue. I don’t know if they have Serbian Vogue but if they do I would like to be in it. Former Yugoslavian Vogue? I want to be in that bad.
You are a cultural influencer, what are you currently feeling?
The top three things that I am currently into would be nachos on pizza—“Nacho Pizza”—and then probably also Rob Lowe because that guy is just getting younger. He used to look 35 and now he looks 21. He is gorgeous. The last thing is girls with big hands, big rough hands. I am not into guys necessarily, I just like to know that the girl has done some hard labor.
Getting back to pizza, how, as a Jewish man, do you rectify eating pizza with pepperoni as a topping?
As a Jew you are not supposed to eat certain things, but God, don’t be a fucking hater. Obviously I shouldn’t be pouring pork onto my actual face, but have you tasted it? I might be Jewish but this is fucking America. God doesn’t want me to eat pepperoni but George Washington certainly did. That man fought so that I could eat pepperoni for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
You have a slice tattooed on your body.
I am sure a lot of people have said to Inked, “My tattoos are like a story, a tapestry of my life,” but in this case that is actually true. I have a couple that I have gotten in shops, but normally, this friend of mine who is a fucking weirdo artist tattoos me in weird places. We have done tattoos on moving trains, in the middle of raves around transvestite cowboys and once went into the bathroom of a restaurant in the West Village and people were knocking on the door while he was tattooing me for 45 minutes. That tattoo says “porno” with a heart, because I love porno. “Money, Pizza, Respect” was done on a speedboat going 95 miles per hour. If you get all of your shit in a tattoo shop, I feel you, but that is kind of boring. I should get a tattoo on horseback, that would be kind of chill. Or we could walk into H&R Block, start tattooing and see how long we could get away with it.
You have a book coming out, Money, Pizza, Respect.
I wonder how many people who have written books have had it tattooed on them? While on a speedboat? I’m going to go with none.
What is the book about?
It’s a manual for living your life. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can definitely tell you what not to do. I am the world’s foremost expert in making questionable decisions, and you can learn so much from that. Be inspired by my stupidity. I’m like Ghandi’s really shitty brother with a manageable coke problem!
What’s one thing that your Instagram followers will be surprised to read in your book?
There’s a story in the book involving me getting a handjob from a celebrated actress over the age of 70 in a hot tub in Texas that will probably blow some people’s minds.
And you have a rosé wine coming out called White Girl, where did the idea originate?
Last summer, there was a rosé shortage in the Hamptons that left white people panicking and fighting in the streets. It was terrifying. We want to make sure that never happens again.
How would you describe White Girl?
It’s free range, macrobiotic, fair trade, grass fed, conflict free, cage-free, low carb, and gluten free. It’s delicious enough to put in your cereal, yet inexpensive enough to fill a Jacuzzi to sit in with some close friends.
If you could have one rapper sip on White Girl in a music video, who would that be?
Bow Wow. I would love to have a rapper spokesman for the rosé and would prefer to get someone whose career is basically over because we don’t have a ton of money to pay. He’s three years away from being a waiter at a sushi restaurant in Santa Monica, so I can probably get him on the cheap.
So that, Mount Rushmore or Former Yugoslavian Vogue, any other goals for this summer?
If Money, Pizza, Respect hits the New York Times Best Seller List I am going to legally change my name. I have called the department of records to confirm that I can do this, I will change my name to New York Times Best Seller. I spoke to Kesha at the record’s office and she said, “I don’t know why you’d want to do that.” And I said, “Kesha, I don’t need an editorial, I just need to know if I can do that.” And she was like, “Yeah.” So I can get that on my driver’s license—help make that happen.
